Ramadan Redux V - Retreat

photocredit Ban Farell Ebrahim

I’ve just emerged, fresh and dewy from a 3 day i’tikaf with three of my companions on the path, Rezwaneh, Rubeena and Rosina. This retreat came as an unexpected windfall. Some of our group had sent a request to our Shaykh to ask whether he might consider placing some of them in khalwah on his next visit. His response was to request us to do i’tikaf first. Arrangements fell quickly into place and soon the four of us were lodged in our dedicated zawiyah. May Meher Apa’s niyyat in offering her home as a place to which we can attract angels and in which to hasten illumination be rewarded by the permanent presence of angels in her life and full illumination of her being!

Not being able to fulfill the technical requirement of an i’tikaf in a mosque, our apartment was nonetheless an ideal eyrie, breezily floating above Karachi, embraced by trembling trees, cawing crows, hooping koels and a purring of rickshaws and beeping cars. Here in this temporarily designated sacred space we were able to fulfill, if not the letter of the sunnatic law, at least the spirit and as close to the form as possible. The Prophet, may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him and his family, used to spend the last ten days of Ramadan in retreat at the mosque. It was such an integral part of his Sunnah, that one year when he did not manage to do it, he spent 20 days of the following Ramadan in i’tikaf instead. And if the ten days are not possible, then three are considered to be the minimum. Disconnecting ourselves from each of own ‘Domestos’ or work arenas presented challenges that vanished in the face of firm intention. Alhamdulillah!

Each of us followed our own rhythm – reading Qur’an, beseeching Allah, diving into meaningful books, invoking Allah by His Beautiful Names, sending peace and blessings upon the Beloved Prophet and his family, observing the night vigil, in particular the layali al-qadr (we had 2). We made some prayers together, each other's focused presence fuelling our own purpose. Such sweet secluded solace! Safe and freed from any worldly concerns. 

Just as the local community feeds those in i’tikaf in the mosques, members of our group sent generous feasts for iftar and dinner. Our embarrassment at their largesse was assuaged by the knowledge that others would partake their share, namely Meher’s trusty and loyal staff.

For me there was a distinct rhythm to this seclusion. For those of us who were fortunate enough to settle in the night before the first fajr, I feel we tasted something very complete, very satisfying. The initial sense of privilege and elation of being freed to do as much and whichever ‘ibadah as one wished carried into sustained periods of delight, yearning and profound tranquility. I spent much time praying for all my family and friends, begging Allah to send them the best of what would draw them closer and protect them by His mercy. Discharging that longing for them all, I was able to turn to the matter of disappearing from myself. Peak periods of invocation were in the midst of the night: distinct shifts in attention, from scanning the horizon to being enveloped… beyond words.

Time became a gift – not something to beat or race against. Whether reading or resting, supplicating or sleeping, time felt expanding not just linearly, but almost in all directions, as if being dismantled.

We turned away from creation and focused on our inner contemplation and intimate conversation with Allah. At times it was hard to know just with whom one was ‘conversing’. We turned in longing. Turning, turning, buoyed by bliss.

I was again awed by the word of God and felt honoured to have the Qur’an and to be able to read it. Each surah speaking in multidimensional tones, rich, complicated sounds from a DNA’d past, other-worldly rhyme and metre sending morse code to the heart. Can we truly be of that creation which was chosen to receive the full encodation of reality which the Qur’an  represents? Subhanallah – law anzalna hadha’l-qur’ana 'ala jabalin…[Q. 59:21]

Time 'stops' and yet I am aware of time. The muezzin calls and its time to offer formal prayers. The day peaks in heat, light changes, dusk falls and night draws a shroud. I am aswim in an ocean of sublime subhan.  I can feel every cell, every pore oozing with longing and sheer delight at the miracle of being.

And though our rooms are far larger than a Sufi’s cell, their simplicity invokes the noble austerity of the khalwah chamber. Here it is easy for senses to detach from the world and implode and ignite the innermost.

And when you do discover the glittering hyperspace of shimmering lights, or just catch glimpses of it, you realize it has always been there, waiting, twinkling, beckoning.

Glossary:

I’tikaf: retreat into a mosque, usually for the last 10 days of Ramadan.

Khalwah: solitary seclusion for the purpose of contemplating Allah alone.

Zawiyah: literally corner; equivalent to tekye (Turkish) or khanqah (Persian & Urdu), meaning Sufi lodge where teachings are given & circles of invocation held.

Niyyat: intention, firm resolve.
Sunnatic: of the Sunnah (see below). My coinage as far as I know.

Sunnah: custom, pattern; the Prophet’s (S) way.

Layali al-qadr: pl. of laylat ul-qadr, the Night of Determination. One of the last ten odd nights of Ramadan in which the Qur’an was revealed and on which events of the next year are determined.

Fajr: dawn prayer.
'Ibadah: Devotional worship.

Surah: chapter of the Qur’an.

Subhanallah: Glory be to Allah!

Subhan: Glory. Root word means to swim.

Ramadan Redux IV - Better Than a Thousand Months

An obligatory posting!

Embedded in these last ten days of Ramadan is the Night of Determination (laylat al-qadr). It falls on one of the odd nights, and since there are varying traditions about which night it might be, God-loving Muslims are encouraged to try to observe as many night vigils as possible so as to capture that moment. If you are a Shi'a, you are more likely to observe them on the 19th, 21st, or 23rd nights, and if you are a Sunni you will probably choose the 25th, 27th and 29th nights. This variance is due to various narrations that favour either set. Since we can never really know which night it is, it is up to each one of us to make a sincere intention to derive the benefit of the night and uphold the tradition of full or partial night vigil, praying, supplicating, and reading Qur'an. If you are spiritually inclined you will try to observe all the odd nights!

Growing up I knew it as the Night of Power, which sounded awesome and magical. Sometimes as the Night of Destiny. But 'determination' is more correct, for it is on this night that, according to our traditions, the unfolding of the next year is determined.

The Qur'an tells us:

 

 Which translates as:
In the Name of Allah the Beneficent, the Merciful
1. Surely We have revealed it [the Qur'an] on the Night of Determination.
2. And what do you understand of the Night of Determination?
3. The Night of Determination is better than a thousand months,
4. in which descend the Angels and the Spirit [Jibril] by the permission of their Lord in every affair.
5. Peace it is until the break of day.

Better than a thousand months. That's over 83 years! So the value of this night is about the lifespan of a privileged member of a first world country! A WHOLE LIFETIME!

How can this be? Isn't time equal? Isn't it evenly measured out in coffee spoons? Hope I'm not talking down to you here - I know we've all experienced time fly by and time stand still. We all know perception of time is relative. On a higher level of our consciousness we can step outside time, or the way we usually frame it. In fact, we need to otherwise we'd probably go mad. Hence sleep and creative endeavours, or the predilection to drown ourselves in decibels of music, whirl, leap from a plane, or mute the querulous voice of the self by meditation and prayer. Losing our selves is at the crux of so many human endeavours!

The relativity of time is doubly alluded to here, for though it is identified as the night on which the Qur'an was revealed to the blessed Prophet Muhammad (S), nonetheless it took much longer for it to be shared with mankind. The template of the reality the Qur'an maps out was unveiled to the Prophet in one flash, in one overwhelming moment. He was commanded to recite what was inscribed from the Protected Tablet (Lawh al-Mahfuz), in which is  preserved the encodation of the entire reality. Twenty three years of experiential triggers and heightened states of consciousness were needed to draw the full Word of Allah out of him. These signs from the unseen came to be the Noble Qur'an, the guidance for all mankind. For though the creation of the Prophet's light preceded that of the existence of creation, he lived in time and space and was as subject to their limitations as we are. What a glorious honour and how utterly, shiveringly awesome!


Each of our individual stories are inscribed on this night, just as the code to reality was revealed in a language mankind could understand, or at least approach understanding. This dense moment, this coup de foudre of illumination, lies at the core of this special night. And we are invited to taste it. We shower and pray, spend the night up calling upon Allah, seeking nearness and blessing after it has already been promised to us, but we must seek it nonetheless. We must intend on it, for we are 'abd, and He is Rabb. The veils of the self have been thinned by 20 days of fasting, and we are more predisposed to melting inside than ever before, and to witnessing shimmers of Reality - maybe more!

By now we have all grown in receptivity and sensitivity by the rigours of the fast - that is if we haven't spoilt its salubrious effects by stuffing our faces or indulging in liver-killing foods. The Nights of Determination are the peaks to which our diligent worship has been working us towards. The intimacy of the night casts a velvet veil over our external senses. Our longing for the face of Allah and His pleasure is stoked by reciting His words, and disappearing in prostration. We have been emptied out of all other idols and ideals. We have come to the sacred precinct of Divine Presence. We stand there, no longer even burning with yearning. 'We' are not even there. Time has imploded into the dot of the letter ba' ب...


So much could be said about this Surah, but I've only chosen one current for now. The Qur'an is an ocean, an infinite horizon. Each wave brings a new crest, a fresh nuance... It is not for me to fathom it. It is for me and you to bask in it!

Have a blessed time on Laylat al-Qadr!

Ramadan Redux III - Day 10 Stocktake

It is just over ten days into this blessed month of withdrawal and silencing the senses.There is a distinct rhythm I have fallen into, quite unlike past Ramadans. Something has shifted for me this year and I am amazed at the energy I have. Perhaps its because of studious avoidance (but not entirely consistent) of starches. Or perhaps the monsoon breezes have taken the edge off the heat and hence the days scorch less than in the past few years - not an insignificant factor. Or perhaps its because, as our traditions tell us, Shaytan  - that deleterious, insidious energy - is held in chains for the duration, while the doors of mercy are open. Or perhaps it is because the sheer intention to please Allah raises the act of fasting from miserable,  pedestrian deprivation to heightened awareness of Allah's Grace, Mercy, Majesty, Magnanimity, and Love. And because of that my consciousness is actively focused on a different horizon.

Whatever the cause, the shift in consciousness is a delightful welcome. Many times in the past its been a matter of just getting through each day without keeling over or ceasing to function, punctuated by the peaks of relief at fast-breaking and prayer, or the troughs of blinding headaches, irritability and catatonia. Given the busy household I manage, Ramadan is also about handling food anxieties, not just of others, but my own as well. Even that has shifted. Such concerns seem to have dropped away, without neglecting the important matter of feeding the troops.

Everything seems brighter, better, easier -  even with a 15 hour long fast. Less white noise, more inner silence. Less confusion, more inner clarity. Less gullibility in believing my own narrative, more delight in witnessing a vaster storyline unfold. Descending into self-obliteration in Salat seems easier when the weight of the self has been lifted and shrunk and parked I know not where. Dhikr travels faster than the speed of sound to take one to deep peace.
 
Inside a cavern has been scoured out. It is not the emptiness of hunger or thirst. It is akin to a vacuum, so silent and tranquil that the merest plop of a drop of water could be heard distinctly. This is the Cavern of No-Thought. No-thought as distinct from thoughtlessness. Even as my consciousness resides in this blissful zone, I am hardly acting as a vegetative mass! I am aware Syria burns - and it pains me. The Olympics are in full swing - and I pay occasional admiring heed to the athletes' prowess. Romney is playing President abroad - and my opinion would be unprintable. Local NGOs are working hard to attract zakat into their coffers so they can continue to do the job of shoring up civil society in this wobbly but lively nation - and I am trying to do my miniscule bit.

Yet...

Here in this Cavern of No-Thought dwells the light of Presence. Ineffable. All-Encompassing. Majestic and Beautiful. Beyond bloggable words, beyond fixed forms, a shape-shifting, bliss inducing basso profondo humming Huuuuuuuuuu.